What better time to give some expert advice on hosting the perfect dinner than Thanksgiving week? I have previously mentioned (all nice and everything spice) that Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the end of the year, it is the first official event of the holiday season and sets the tone for the upcoming festivities, so I like to approach it with meticulous care.
Hosting has always held a special place in my heart, probably because I am Armenian so it is embedded in my DNA, you would never visit an Armenian household for even a simple tea without a coffee table full of treats in a wide range of options as if you have entered the land of sweets in the nutcracker. On a regular day my mother’s coffee table includes a massive fruit vase, chocolates and various pastries, imagine giving her a few days to prepare a dinner with a guest list. I grew up watching my mom approach every and any guest with warm perfection, in the art of hosting no detail was overlooked, so I took that life-long lifestyle training and personalized it to myself. My coffee table does not include baklava and chocolates daily, I grew up in the UK so I adopted a more westernized method but when I host a dinner it must be flawless.
How to plan a dinner party ? Setting the foundation
Before embarking on any dinner party planning, I first establish my theme, which I then build around. The theme sets a tone not only for the decorations and the set up but primarily for the food selections and the dress codes advised to my guests. Once I have selected the perfect menu for the dinner I am planning to host, I then arrange a tasting of all the dishes and give my notes to the caterers and/or chef.
Once I have decided on the guest list, I choose the invitation templates as it sets the tone of the formality of the event. It is important to send out invitations in advance, however, best not to overlap with another major event or time, for example, thanksgiving being at the end of November I needed to start planning at least four weeks in advance, despite having the invitations ready I held off sending them until after half term break when most of my attendees were traveling.
I am not saying this would alter the success of the event but the attention would simply not be there, it is important to make sure that your event is “the next big thing” in peoples mind in order to create the anticipation and sense of longing, if there is another major event in between or just before the notion fails, so if possible never rush with the invitations but also give plenty of time to RSVP.
A no less important aspect of the invitations is the content; the location and timing of your event must be clearly communicated along with the above-mentioned RSVP deadline. It is best that the dress code be included on the invitations for larger events however for intimate dinners it can be communicated closer to the event, but regardless of how it is done it MUST be communicated, for both your guests not to feel out of place and for your own pleasure of maintaining decorum. There are different types of dress codes, for dinner parties it is best to keep the dress code chic as opposed to casual as it invites a lot of unwanted undignified looks inappropriate for a dinner, nowadays people need more guidance as a result of blurred lines within the dress code system.
Crating the perfect dinner party atmosphere
Choosing the right table centerpieces
An often overlooked by planners ‘faux pas’ in the decorum of an event are the table centerpieces, regardless of the nature of service you are planning to provide, tall centerpieces are not your friend. Whether you are serving a plated or table sharing or even buffet style dinner, the floral centerpiece must never be overbearing and above all blocking the view of each other for your guests.
The wow effect from large, tall centerpieces is just that, a momentary gasp of awe, followed by an uncomfortable “I can’t see you behind these flowers or candelabra” over the course of the dinner. Event planners rarely advise you on this as the bigger the centerpiece the more expensive it is, or they simply don’t even know the true art of hosting an elegant dinner and prioritize how instagrammable it is rather than how chic you want it. Chic and elegance are also about comfort, not only in fashion but in daily lifestyle, which leads me to the following point, the music.
Setting the perfect music and ambiance
The music at your dinner event mustn’t be overbearing, your guests should be able to speak without shouting, especially if you are hosting privately and have control over the volume. It is acceptable to have ‘show’ sets that are more than background music, at which time the guests must also follow the etiquette guidelines of turning their attention towards the gift of music that you have graciously provided and seizing conversation during, however the sets must be short and preferably not over mealtimes, just before or in between courses is ideal.
During mealtime background ambiance music is most appropriate, if you notice the room getting louder, make sure to reduce the volume, as people are shouting because they simply cannot hear each other. Read the room so to speak.
Proper dinner table setup and service
When it comes to the dinner set up, it is important that it follows your serving style. If the meal is a table sharing 1-course meal like my thanksgiving dinner is for example, one plate and one set of cutleries is enough and is the appropriate set up, as the food is served in the same plate and there is no starter and main course. Do not serve 2 sets of cutleries for a one course dinner, it is a major faux pas, and your guests will not understand what they need to do given the lack of course changes. It is appropriate to add a dessert spoon and fork at the top of the plate for easier service on the waiter when it is time for dessert.
Mastering hosting etiquette and guest management
Proper dessert service protocol
This leads me to my next point, which happened to me, to my surprise. Normally for thanksgiving I like to display my dessert table, give people a little glimpse of what is to come after dinner, however this year I have decided to forego the beautiful dessert display – we live we learn.
The reason behind this decision is that last year some of my guests did not wait to be invited to start enjoying the dessert by the tea or coffee order from the waiters, nor my cue but went ahead and served themselves pie while I was still in the middle of my main meal, as well as some other guests who had yet to finish their course.
Now, from a hosting perspective it is important to make sure the service is provided correctly, such as if someone is done with their meal their plates must be removed, and tea and coffee must be offered, but from a guests perspective it is absolutely 100% lack of education and class to ignore the fact that other guests are still eating their main course to serve themselves dessert thereby making the host and other guests uncomfortable, I was appalled by the behavior however I would never dream of pointing it out, but graciously completed my dinner and joined in on dessert offerings.
This year our dessert will only be served after everyone’s plates are removed and dessert plates are served to avoid such behavioral mistakes on both the guests’ part and the hosting parties.
Managing dietary requirements and seating arrangements
Speaking of dinner party etiquette, it is important to consider everybody’s dietary requirements beforehand, as a host you must ask at the time of invitation for the attendees to confirm any allergies, intolerances and dislikes and make sure to accommodate said individuals the best way you can, having a seating plan with assigned seats and name cards helps when addressing such special requirements, but is also a polite way of seating your guests as you please without any awkward pauses, no matter how small your dinner take it upon yourself to assign the seats to your guests.
When doing so keep in mind that your guest’s comfort is no less important than the décor, entertainment and the food provided, so try your best to assign them a seat near yourself or other guests that they are acquainted with or better yet friends with. These small details are important for the success of any dinner party.
Tips to be a great host at a party
Providing parking and accessibility information
A small detail with major impact to consider is parking opportunities for your guests, if the venue does not offer parking, you must make sure to advise your guests in advance on where it will be best to park their car if they are driving. As a host you must make your event as easy and comfortable to attend as possible since your attendees are making the effort of joining you.
Accommodating children and families at your event
A good rule of thumb is a guest is always accommodated while they are in your care. This also includes children. In my childhood, children were never left out of any event. My parents hosted all their friends with kids and likewise we were welcome at all adult dinner parties, New Year’s Eve events and other, this has stuck with me. It’s a rare occasion when children aren’t welcome to any event I host, however this is an individual preference for each family rather than a rule, but when you invite a family with children you simply MUST make sure that the family’s childcare provider is considered and/or you provide childcare/children’s entertainment at your event. This needs to be communicated to your guests in advance to avoid any discomfort to them while in your care.
Creating memorable moments with gift bags
Finally, a major point for a truly successful dinner party are the gift bags, this is not a necessity or must but rather ‘a touch’ to be remembered by. If the dinner in question holds a special place in your heart and you want to share that warmth, a small gift bag is a gentle reminder for your guest, it must not be an expensive item but a small gesture such as a fall themed mug or magnet that can be used daily or admired to keep the magic of the night in their hearts and the longing to return.
